I find myself wanteding to walk away sometimes. Walk away from it all. It is a moment of exhaustion, or extreme overwhelm. I love my husband and children. I would never want to lose them. Looking back over my life I wonder why I was never content with the moments I had. Even now I wish for the next moments instead of enjoying the ones I have. When I didn't have a husband I wanted one. Married- I wanted children. Children- I want them to grow up. I think now of all the things I have missed out on because I insisted on having what I thought I wanted most. If Jon and I had waited on the kids we could have traveled more, ministered in ways we are now unable to.... I can't change the decisions I have already made, but I can decide now to live now and not wish for something different.
Along the somewhat same lines... I'm trying to lose the weight I gained with the two kids. I feel like a failure and I feel as though it is impossible. When I give in to my bad habits I feel as though it is not worth going on. But the Holy Spirit has told me that self-defiet is not from him but the evil one. The lie is that I am a failure and that I can't control myself. But the truth is that I can do all things through Christ and that includes having selfcontrol. I feel like my weight is too small of an issue for God to have to deal with. But once again the Holy Spirit is tell me that the weight is a side issue to God's main concern- my dependence on Him.
When I fall I pray He would pick me up.
just one more small part of the bigger picture of me.