Here's a few photos of me and my girl. You can see that her eye is looking better but still not quite back to normal. From the time I took the pics of her till now the bruising has gone down more. I thank the Lord for antibiotics. Without them I wouldn't have my girl back safe and healthy.

Family

My mom and dad are in Ontario at the moment. Today I phoned my cousin/brother, Scott and his lovely wife, Liz. Mom and Dad were there visiting. I wish I was there. I miss everyone so badly. My cousin Elizabeth is having her second baby any day soon and I want to be there to help her out. I also want to meet her son and have her meet my daughter. Jon says that we are going to save this year to go next summer. Next summer seems like forever, but if thats what I've got to work with I'd better put my nose down and start saving. I think we should open a saving account for this purpose. When ever we try to save for something the money some how gets lost ( not literally). Anyways, I miss all my family down there and I miss all my friends at Breadalbane. I hope Josh isn't overseas next summer. That would be a dissappointment. We'd forsure go see Becky anyways. I love and miss her too. I want to meet their puppies. They are probably so cute. They won't be puppies next summer, will they?!!!
Okay now I'm rambling. Anyways, I'll get back there some time or another and then it will be another three years :)

Thank you

Sitting here tonight, the kids are finally sleeping...and its been a long day. I feel tired from.........i don't know what, but I know I'm tired. With all the screaming and picking up after everyone, and cooking, and laundry, I still feel like today wasn't a complete disaster. I talked with my friends on the phone today and was encouraged. I am so thankful for the friends God has put into my life. Women who are honest, sympathetic and spiritual. You know who you are. Thank you. For...just valuing me and building into my life. I only can hope that I can do the same for you.
Looking back over the past month I am shocked by the love and support we recieved while Grace was in the hospital. People were praying for a little girl they had never met and those who do know her prayed with tears for her recovery. This overwhelming show of love and support floors me. I feel undeserving. Thank you. Those words seem completely inadequate, but they are all I have.

thinking in the hospital

Well what can I say – you never know what the day will bring when you get out of bed in the morning. Who would have thought that Grace would need surgery and be on strong antibiotics and have to be admitted for this long? How does a thing like this happen? How does life go from mundane to crazy in only moments as you blink your eyes? I’ve realized a few things out of this situation: #1 I don’t know anything (I could stop there) until you’ve experienced it yourself. I have a habit of thinking I can have an opinion about something I’ve never known or experienced. A very good friend of mine went through a rough time with her kids getting sick over and over. She became very aware of other sick kids and tired to avoid having her kids be with them. I thought she was being a little over protective…until my kids started catching bugs one after another. In Elijah’s first two years he had never needed antibiotics. I realize now I was in no position to decide what kind of decision the mother of a sick kid should be making. Its amazing how stupid and narrow minded I really can be. #2 God doesn’t let you get away with distance. I can’t say this whole ordeal has been just for me but it sure came at a convenient time. I had just started to realize how little of God I allowed into my life anymore. How church had become what I had to do instead of worship and learning. I realize also I had little desire to change; busy with my family, too tired to think about investing my emotions and time in another direction. And suddenly we’re not moving along so smoothly (not that it ever was completely smooth) but instead in the middle of a crisis and I’m all of a sudden praying. What a hypocrite. I’m lucky God has compassion and mercy. Grace is on the mend and maybe I’ve grown-up a little. Grace is fixed now but I’ve still got some work ahead of me.

A heavy load

It's just recently hit me how heavy convictions are to carry. The two that consume my time and thought at the moment do just that, consume my thoughts and time. I strongly feel that losing the weight I gained with the two kids is important to my health and life style. I have to reenforce new habits almost hourly. I have to cook healthier, which usually takes longer. I have to work out every morning, which is tiring and requires a sacrifice on Jon's part.
I also feel strongly about being commited to good stewardship of the earth. This also is a heavy conviction. I feel like the decisions and habit changes that need to be made need to be well thought out and need to include Jonathan. Changing over to pinned prefold diapers is definitly not as expensive as AIOs or fitted diapers but it is still an initial cost that is hard to dish out. And making a compost requires some sort of containment, which again will cost money. Cloth diapers, recycling(taking paper, cardborad, tin, glass, and plastic into Kindersley), composting, and others require a considerable amount of time in comparision to a non-eco lifestyle. I don't feel overly burdened by all this at this time but as I look at the future I know that conviction are heavy things to carry. I've been reminded twice recently that anything of worth requires work. Or put another way, the right road is usually not the easy road. I guess that means that the weight of this load is worth carrying because the price at the end is worth having.

Playing

Changes

For a long time I have been concerned that I live without worry about the consequences of my actions. That sounds like I'm doing something horrible and forbidden and I guess in some ways it is...what I'm talking about is the way my habits and actions affect God's green earth. I was watching CBC this afternoon and there was a show about youth making a difference. This girl had gone to Africa and seen the poverty and starvation. She came home changed. I have always wanted to live like I cared and not just say that I do. Our little family produces so much waste weekly. I don't feel right about it. I've tried to do the cloth diaper thing, because disposable diapers are in the top ten largerest forms of waste in North America, I wouldn't doubt worldwide. But for some reason there is just always some reason not to do it. I have also wanted to use reuable bags for groceries but I either forget or get lazy. Then there is all the cemicals I have in the house. Dishsoap, laundry detergent, shampoos, cleaners, easy erase, windex, the list goes on. They all go into the water and polute the ground. What about all the stuff i have and continue to buy, clothing, objects, bags, boxes, etc... there are thousands of ppl around the world who have nothing, and yet because I have some money I think I should be able to buy something that I want or percieve I need. People say to me, Amie what are you going to do, its all around you, it's easier and it costs less, you have to fit in, don't make a big deal about nothing, living like that is hard and inconventient. I listen and feel better for a week or two and then my conscience startes up again, asking me to rethink my small impact on the world, what I'm teaching my children, and what am I giving their future? I just don't know were to start. and I think that it's hard to invest the money in more expensive earth friendly products. Actually, you know I think I'm going to start with two things. #1 I'm going to start using reusable grocery bags. #2 I'm going to start a compost. My hurrdles will be...#1 family cooperation, #2 remembering, #3knoing how to start a compost, #4 staying motivated. anyways you can keep me to it but i'm going to start with the bags tomorrow, we're going shopping......I'm not going to buy anything that's over packaged, or any product that will harm the enviroment.
sprry this hasn't been very enlightening or uplifting or even well written....it's just something I want to be a bigger part of me.

Joy?

As I have said in the last few enteries, the family has been sick...not much joy in that. I don't know why God allows hard times to come in multiples. I think it was yesterday that I just felt flattened by a hopless feeling. I was probably tired from being sick and looking after the kids, but to say I was sad would be an understatment. All day God was saying to me, " Amie choose joy." It took for a good 24 hours to take him up on the suggestion. I'm not going to pretend that choosing joy is easy, that life can always look better, that it's never all that bad. Sometimes, life does seem bleak, lost, and hopeless. Those are real feelings, but that's all they are. Choosing joy is the same as choosing sadness. Feelings are not situations, and circumstances, which are real and can be devastating. So as far as I can decern I can choose my emotions in every situation. Why choose sadness? it's easier. It looks like the looming situation. Joy in the face of tragedy doesn't look right, doesn't feel right...at first. But the sadness eats us, and deforms us...Joy builds, strengthens and renews. I don't know...I'm still firguring it out for myself. Think I'm on the right track?
this song has been a challenge to me...I hope it encourages you to higher heights of JOY.

Live

Did you come that we might just survive?

Did you come so we could just get by?

Did you walk among us so we might merely limp along beside?

I was bound, I have been set free

But I have settled for apathy

Did you come to make me new

And know I'd crawl right back into the skin you found me in?

It's where I am, not where I'm been

You make me want to love

You make me want to live

You came to shake us and to wake us up to something more

than we'd always settled for

And you make me want to live

so why would a young man

Live in a waste land

When the castle of his dreams is standing by

Why would a princess

Put on an old dress

To dance whith her beloved and the chance to catch his eye.

Nicole Noredman Brave 2005

A little lie

This is so silly, and I don't know why I'm writing about it. I hope its not to ease my conscience...it probably is...anyways...I got a call from a poll tonight. Bad timing, Grace was looking very tired and only wanted to be in my arms, anyways, I decided to be nice and do the survey. The guy was talking very quietly and Grace started to cry, to say the least it was not an easy thing to do at the time. So I don't know why but when he asked me about my level of education, I say that I had completed a college diaploma. I don't know why I said it. I think I am embarrased to say my highest level of education completed is high school. The funny thing is he said, "So you completed your college?" and I said, "Yes". But I haven't. I told a lie. I feel so stupid...why lie about that? I'm going to just have to make this right with god because I can't apologize to the guy...he's long gone into the abiss. What a silly, stupid thing to do. It won't happen again.
just a small part of me though...right?

Sick

Well this has been the sickest week of the Chalmers family to date. Jon-Cold, Elijah- Namonia, Grace-Namonia, Me-stomach flu. Not pretty!!! Everyone is finally doing better but it's Grace that needs to get over her thing now. She's had me scared a few times.
My husband is the most giving servant. As i lay in bed waiting for some thing to come out of my upper or lower half he ran after two sick kids and never once made me feel like a burden. Ofcourse i caught the rollof eyes, the exhausted sigh and the annoyed grunt, but for the most part it was all giving all week. What a friend. Thank you Jon for being the best kind of friend- a servant.
Anyways...we're going to make it through this and we are going to be normal again...some day...I don't know when...
a small part of me

Surprised

I'm surprised that I can do it...not to perfection...but I can somehow handle my house two kids and husband. I'm surprised that I can get three meals on the table, keep the laundry relatively at bay, get everyone out the door when need be, shop for a family of four with all completely different eating needs, keep my relationship with my husband is good shape, and ofcourse not trip over my dear old dog. I'm surprised that I'm not pulling my hair out more often...I'm not going to pretend I don't have those moments...days...weeks...but for the most part I'm doing it. I guess that's why I'm surprised that my relationship with my heavenly Father isn't doing so good...I mean on my end. Why does it seem so hard to fit him into my day. When,by some miracle, both the kids go down for a nap at the same time, I hear a voice saying to me, "Amie, grap your bible and spend some time with me." fun enough though I also hear another voice that says, "Reading and praying will take too much energy, just grap a diet coke and the remote and snuggle up to Operah." For some reason I always listen to the second voice. I don't know why instant gratification is always the easier choice. Surprise , Surprise that's the way we are made...looking out for number one, in this moment, at this time. You know it's the people in history that defie the tendancy towards that behaviour that we all admire. People who chose the hard road because they see the end is much sweeter.
I'm surprised that god continues to ask me to come sit with him. I think I'd better take him up on the offer before I can't hear his voice anymore.
Just a small part of me.

Two years!!!?

Wow, two years old. I'm amazed how quickly the time goes by. It seems like just yesterday i was laying on a delivery table is the worst pain imaginable, then holding his tiny body (all legs and arms), all wet and pink, as he saw the world for the first time. I remember looking at Jon and seeing tears in his eyes. He was a bad eater from the moment he was born. Even today two years later he won't eat what I put infront of him. I guess he's still alive! I think that's the most important thing I've learnt about parenting: they survive dispite you and your worries and fail effort. The next how many years look to be even more exciting then the first two. After his bath tonight we were all sitting in his room getting ready for bed and he was bouncing from one place to the next. On the bed, off the bed. Under the covers, out from them. Run circles, jumping big leaps. Laughing, then crying because he triped and fell. Up again and kissing Grace. Now kissing me. Now laughing the loudest laugh with his belly sticking way out and his head all the way back!!! all this in the matter of five or so minutes I'm sure. I pray God takes that love of life, that energy and excitment and uses it to further his Kingdom.
any ways that was just a small part of an excited second birthday!

there's a pretty girl in pink

bumps and bruises

today was a rough day for Elijah. He got a bleedy nose, fell about three times off chairs and other higher objests, and scratched his fore head. Fun enough after a few cries( the bloody nose cry lasted the longest) he was up and ready to go agian.
I wish I was so forgiving and boyant. I woke up this morning and everywhere I looked there was something to clean. the whole mess just seemed to be sufficating me. I gritted my teeth and went at it. I find if I get mad at the mess I can do more longer...strange I know! I had urges to bake cookies today but resisted the temptation to make another mess and put more sugary goodness...i mean badness in the freezer.
I finally sat down at 10:45 and phone a long time friend. She was just putting on a pot of tea...so metaphoricly we had a visit over a spot of tea...except I didn't have any. It was a nice talk. We haven't seen eachother in so long and yet our conversations are always so easy and comforting to me. We talked about our kids and not wanting to push them to be like everyone else's. We talked about the stupid things people say to us about our kids and our shire pain at the thought of someone thinking anything but good about our kids. When moms get together they talk kids. That's the bottom line. The day I talk to someone only about me, I htink I'll be in heaven...Children forever change you....I never understood before the kids. Makes me think what other things I think I understand and really have no clue about. I think age reveals our stupidity. Or maybe time does. All I know is that once i thought have kids would be a romantic thing and now I know different. I guess we are all bound to get bumps and bruises and shown the real colour of things, it what we do after we see the day light that really matters.
Anyways that's just a small part of me.

here's a picture of my second most important man!

teeth

Elijah had a fever last night. It finally broke around 4:00am. All day today he just hasn’t been himself. I’m thinking that maybe he is getting his two year molars. My friend Glenna said that they can be pretty bad. I think kids start teething from the day they are born and don’t stop until…I don’t know I haven’t reach the non-teething stage yet.
I got Elijah’s hair cut today and he screamed the whole time. Not really like him to do that. Steph, our hair dresser, was very patient. Her daughter, of five or six, did everything to try to make him happy. He would smile a few minutes at a offered freeze and the next be screaming again.
Jon has prayer meeting tonight. Catherine and Jason have it at their house as much as they can. I guess they just expect me to miss. I’ve tried to take the kids but I end up just watching them in a different room the whole time. No point of me going with it that way. I guess maybe I’ll talk to Jon about getting a babysitter every other week so that I can go once in awhile.
We got a email from some long time friends today. It was so nice to hear from them. Steve and Heather were the kind of friends you didn’t need a invitation to go over and visit. Back when we were the closest, Steve was in University learning all kinds of interesting things and we would all sit in their living room sipping coffee, nibbling on the Tim Hortons donuts Jon and I had brought, discussing new ideas, and pushing ourselves to think outside the boxes we lived in. At the time neither of us had children. I think back to that time so fondly, as a time when we stretched our minds, and hearts.
I heard someone say the other day, “She decided not to be the victum anymore and take what she got and make good or deal with it.” That changed me.
Just a small part or a bigger me.
amie

My Grace

It’s amazing how quickly Grace is growing up. I can’t believe it has already been six months. She’s gotten her first two teeth and is eating solids. I remember with Elijah, I hung on each day. I couldn’t wait until he could eat, sit, crawl, walk, play, and talk. (I guess I’m still waiting for the talking one) With Grace I’ve just been trying to make it through each day and because she has been such a relatively easy baby and Elijah requires a lot of attention, I have given a lot of my time and energy to him. I can see it slowly balancing out now as Grace begins to ask for more time. I’m glad those first months went quickly though, I’m not a huge fan of the first six months. Things start getting interesting from here on in. Some easier and some harder. I can’t believe she can almost sit up on her own now.
I just pray I somehow can raise good kids. Grace will be such a joy. I got my girl, I guess it doesn’t much matter what I get for the next one. ( I have clothes for both sexes now J) I would be happy with either.